Friday, October 30, 2009

Halloween goodness: I rank the Halloween movies WORST to FIRST

10) Halloween (2007): By far the worst of the entire franchise, and that says a lot with all of the turds. Rob Zombie did well with this film visually and directing, but once again failed miserably with the writing. In my opinion Zombie went way too far back and recreated way too much about Michael Myers that it simply can not be forgiven. Myers was always a good child from a good family turned evil without any provocation. Zombie made Michael a stereotypical, cliche killer by putting him in a bad family and being a product of his environment.

9) Halloween Part 6: The Curse Of Michael Myers (1995): I really do not know where to start with this film. It feels like a film shot, re-shot, edited, cut and re-shot by many different people and that is exactly what it is. The movie is so hard to follow and is so incredibly stupid that you simply do not want to. Introducing the whole "Thorn" angle just made this franchise laughable and sorry, I do not care if the "producer's cut" makes more sense, facts remain that the finished product is a pile of shit. The movie just has that feeling that nobody knew what to do so everything is stretched beyond one's imagination- let's leave Michael Myers simple please!

8) Halloween Part 5: The Revenge Of Michael Myers (1989): Not much better than Halloween 6, the best things about this movie were Jamie Lloyd and Loomis. Donald Shanks gave us a huge roided out Michael Myers and this is where the story started to get really exaggerated and really bad. This one is easier to watch than some Halloween films, but not much more. It would have been nice if they would have let Michael die after Halloween 4. I personally only watch Halloween 4 and 5 for Danielle Harris, much like Halloween 2007 and Halloween II- confused? lol

7) Halloween Part 2 (2009): Okay, I will say that a lot of people hate this film and I thought it was pretty bad myself, but I disliked it for different reasons than most. I loved the look of Michael, it's pretty much how Michael should look because let's be fair, the Michael of the original franchise certainly would not have shaved and kept himself looking clean and proper. The grimy, dirty, homeless look was very fitting of Michael. A lot of people also hated how Michael was vocal in this- again, very indicative of someone taking punishment. Anyone remember all of the times Michael in Halloween 1978 grunted? He grunted a lot, so don't go off and say that Michael should be silent! Carpenter and Hill created Michael and Carpenter directed Michael to grunt- case closed!

Okay, so again- the bad. Zombie should not be a writer of his films. Much like Halloween 2007 this movie was very good visually and was paced a bit better than the first other than flashbacks which really hurt this movie a lot. I think that it should be right at the bottom with Zombie's other Halloween, but I just loved how Michael looked in this!

6) Halloween Part 8: Resurrection (2002): Am I the only one who loves Busta Rhymes? I thought this movie was mediocre, but entertaining- it's pretty much following a late 1990's horror movie trend and is no worse than any of those other movies. That trend is spy cameras, staying in a haunted house overnight, the internet and cell phones... and WB stars, Rap stars, supermodels and so on. At any rate, I stand by my word that the movie is very entertaining and who gives a fuck if Busta punched Michael? So many people trip over that notion and it's so petty. For the haters of this movie: go watch Halloween 6 some more and see which movie is better! Sadly, they killed off Laurie Strode in this movie and pretty much ended an era with the death of Pleasance and now Laurie.

5) Halloween Part 7: H20 (1998): Much like H8, this one uses all of the horror movie trends with the aforementioned WB stars, Rap stars, and so on. This one takes place at a college closed for holidays where Laurie Strode teaches and her son attends. This one is legions better than H8, directed by Steve Miner and has a very solid cast including Chris Durand as Michael. I still can not get over the fact that Michael drove a crappy stick shift Jeep across country- I still find it amusing that he is such a great driver and abides by all of the traffic rules and laws!

4) Halloween Part 4: The Return Of Michael Myers (1988): For some odd reason a lot of people place this film second, however I place it fourth. It is a solid entry and much better than anything that came after it (which is not very hard). It's a great tribute to Carpenter's masterpiece and has a lot of old school Michael elements and introduces Jamie Lloyd who would go on for another two films. Regardless Pleasance stole this movie and was the main drive of it. Tom Morga (Jason V) did some Michael in the movie, but George Wilbur nailed it. The cast was also very strong with Ellie Cornell, Danielle Harris, Kathleen Kinmont, Sasha Jensen and the aforementioned Donald Pleasance.

3) Halloween Part 3: The Season Of The Witch (1982): This one is the misfit of the bunch, being a completely different story than all of the other Halloween movies. That generally lands it on the bottom of a lot of people's lists and to me that is a travesty. Some people just can't get over the fact that movie does not have Michael Myers in it- he was dead and Carpenter wanted to take a more respectful route and people hated it. The movie is not creepy as fuck, but is very unique and I can bet if it was never released as a Halloween movie it would be a classic by now. Who can not get behind a mask making business plotting to kill all of the kids who buy their masks with an annoying (but catchy) commercial? It's gold.

2) Halloween Part 2 (1981): Most people know by now that I am not a huge Halloween fan, but I think Halloween 1 and 2 were two of the best original and sequel duo ever only behind Psycho 1 and 2 and Friday The 13th 1 and 2. This movie picks up right after Halloween 1978 and carries on. This movie's cast was great, a great Michael played by Dick Warlock, violence and a great setting. It's so hard not to love this film, and poo on all of the people who say this one is one of the worst!

1) Halloween (1978): Quite easily the best Halloween film, and pretty much the archtype of slasher movies and slasher villains. This one has a very simple story, a simple but complex killer, a numb and desperate atmosphere and a score that just makes your teeth ache from the coldness- John Carpenter's finest movie, in my opinion. The movie does so well keeping Myers hidden and stalking which makes each and every scene that Laurie feels his presence that much more impactful. I have always loved the cast of this film too- it's hands down the best cast of the franchise with an Oscar worthy job from Pleasance (I am not joking about this). This is THE film to see when being introduced to this franchise. Myers was fierce, mean, animated and best of all he grunted and emoted- OH THE HORROR!

1 comment:

  1. You did a great job with this list! I want to let you know HALLOWEEN: H20 took place on a high school campus, though, not a college campus. Most students left on Halloween for a trip to Yosemite. Also, Myers did not get the jeep until he arrived in northern California.