Saturday, December 27, 2008

Friday The 13th remake soapbox.

I really fucking hate the fact that people have associated Jason with a machete as his signature weapon. Not only is a machete whimpy, weak and notoriously dull, but the only way to make a machete intimidating is to make it look all silly- like a Katana. Most of the publicity photos of the remake has Jason with a machete which sort of frustrates me. Until late (as in Freddy vs Jason) Jason never used a machete much at all, and basically only used one because it was handy. I know I am over analyzing this, but is sort of bothers me that people fele the need to associate Jason with a signature weapon... Grrr

Anyways. I love the fact that Jason will be wearing his infamous sack as well.
I have always loved the sack more than the hockey mask- it's just creepier. In the trailer the photo top the left suck out to me. It sort of reminds me of (original) Black Christmas and this part of Friday The 13th: Part II. For some reason I have a feeling that the movie won't be that good. Oh well.

Jason's machete kills.
Part 1.
(Jason does not kill anyone in this film).

Part 2
- to the face (Mark).
- slit throat (Scott).

Part 3
- chops Andy in half.
- chops Ali to pieces.

Part 4
(Jason does die from a machete).

Part 5
- in Tommy's opening dream sequence, when the 2 guys dig him up he stabs one in the stomach with a machete he was buried with.
(Jason is not in this movie except in hallucinations).
Part 6
- triple decapitation after falling out of the tree.
- double stab of the couple in the bike.
- chopped Martin before being seen.

Part 7
- Slices Eddie's throat.
- uses it to slice open the tent.

Part 8

Part 9.

Part 10
- stabs Rowan in the gut.
- put it through Stoney.
- chopped a marine clear in half.
- poked Brodski in the ribs.
- sliced a CGI alien/creature (does that count?).

Freddy vs. Jason
- pinned the blond to the tree in the dream/hell world.
- stabbed the crap out of Tray in bed.
- decapitated Tray's friend's father.
- murdered Tray's friend.
- through it through the crops and into the fat drunk.
- rave massacre (countless victims).
- sliced Freddy's arms off in the dream world.
- sliced Freddy a little bit in reality.
- used it to knock Kia into her next life.
- Sliced Freeburg/Freddy clear in half.
- stuck it into a machine causing an electrical current while holding onto and electrocuting a cop.

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